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Fake Talk: HOW MUCH CHINI SIR?

There are some things that can be said only in Hindi.
SATIRE: A fictious chat between Prime Minister Narendra Modi and Chinese Premier Xi Jinping.

[Representative photo. Duely not relevant by any means.] 
PROLOGUE

For the desk of:
His Excellency Wen Jiabao,

[In a letter to the then Chinese Premier …]

Mr. Premier,
[… Balram Halwai writes in Arvind Adiga’s book]

Sir,
Neither you,
Nor I,
Speak English,
[perhaps, can speak/able to speak, too]

BUT THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT CAN BE SAID ONLY IN ENGLISH.

From the Desk of:
‘The White Tiger’, A Thinking Man

[Some people learn current Premier as
‘Mr. Eleven’
An English Impact. Isn’t it?]

CENTRELOGUE

DISCLAIMER: This is a pure work of fiction. All the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Hereby, it is said that there is no intention of mocking anybody's prestige or hurt at heart anyone, anyways.

Mr. Modi – How do you do?

Mr. Jinping – How’s mom?

[Nodding, both reciprocate responses]

Mr. Modi – And, at home, I mean in family?

Mr. Jinping – Fine, but…

Mr. Modi – But? Mr. Premier

Mr. Jinping – Your home not seems in order?

[Indicating, controversy related to Rajnath’s son]

Mr. ModiJee nahin, Sab Kushal Mangal.

[The word Mangal diverts Jinping’s attention]

Mr. Jinping – Oh! What about Mars Mission, Mr. PM?

Mr. ModiAchchhe din aane waale hain, there too.

[Jinping maintains silence for a while]

Mr. Jinping – You think very positive.

[There is a glass on the table. The water is just half of the glass. Both have a look on it.]

[Representative photo. Duely not relevant by any means.] 
Mr. ModiJee!

Mr. Jinping – Well, how’s your campaign going on?

[In the meantime, a person carrying tea enters]

Mr. Modi – Which one?

Mr. Jinping – Your dream campaign – ‘Come, Make in India’.

Mr. Modi – You too may come, Mr. Premier. Make in India. You’re most welcome.

Mr. Jinping – What do you mean!

[While offering tea to Mr. Jinping]

Mr. ModiChini kitna? I mean sugar, how much Mr. Premier?

[THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT CAN BE SAID ONLY IN HINDI]

Mr. Jinping’s interpreterJee?

[Instantly back on his job, interpretes]

Mr. Jinping - No sugar. I prefer sweetner.

[Modi’s interpreter connects to - Chini kum?]

EPILOGUE

‘Your attention please!’

[A message to the Army Head Quarters. Displays on its board too]

“Be ready & alert for war, I mean a regional war.”

[A chorus salute echoes]

Army – Yes SIR!

[Soon a DISCLAIMER scrolls below the message –
All the characters and physical properties
Mentioned in this message are
A work of fiction.
Any resemblance to,
any country or territory,
related to the same
should be treated as a coincidence.]

Mr. Jinping’s PA – Hello, This is Premier’s Office, ‘m calling from Beijing.

[Modi’s OSD receives the call with a cracking voice]

OSD – Hello... Who’s on line?

[Mr. Premier appears on hotline]

Mr. Jinping – Hello, Can I speak to Modijee?

OSD – You’ve to wait Sir. Sir is busy right now.

[The officer conveys that some guests from Mars have to visit India soon]

OSD – Hello Sir! What to convey Sir?

[The call gets disconnected]

# M Shekhar | Follow author on Twitter: https://twitter.com/msatonce

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